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the truth is hard to swallow

In a move neither Calleigh nor Delko saw coming, CSI:Miami actor David Caruso is being sued by the mother of his two children. Liza Marquez, David's now ex-girlfriend, is suing for fraud, intentional infliction of emotional distress, breach of contract and six additional charges, according to MSNBC.

Some of the funnier more serious allegation in the suit are that Liza says David called her a birthing cow, locked himself in a room away from her to watch Seinfeld reruns, had a secret stash of 70's porn magazines, suggested that she should have sex with a male prostitute and that he gave her a note after the birth of their second child stating that "reconciliation is not an option".

A rep for David responded to all of this yesterday by saying "Last month David became concerned about the welfare of his children and sought court assistance to redefine David’s and Liza’s custodial schedules. It now appears that Liza has decided to retaliate by raising false claims against David, which David finds unfortunate since these claims will divert the parties’ and the court’s attention away from the best interests of the children."

The one liner possibilities are really endless. Let's just say that things are about to heat up.... in court! Yeeeeaaahhhhhhh!!!!!

Also, I can't stop giggling at the stash of Horatio Caine's 70's magazines. Tee-hee-hee, for real.

Dancing With Gilles

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gilles and cheryl

Dancing With The Stars. It might as well be called Dancing With My Heart. Let's recap.

Lil Kim. The first time she ever watched Dancing With The Stars was in prison? Could not stop laughing at the quote, omg! Kept thinking she looked a little thick for the outfit they put her in but eh, it was OK. She danced well considering it was the first dance this season. I thought they scored her a little high.

Belinda Carlisle. What's wrong with her face? No really, what did she do? Is that Botox or some wired eye work she had done? Yikes, whatever it is it doesn't look good. During her dance she basically got dragged around the floor and let Maksim do all the work.

Lawrence Taylor. I thought overall her was kind of stiff but had good footwork. Really though, can we get a mob together and just take Edyta out of the picture? Her perfect body really makes me want to punch her. Get a pimple or a fat roll or something. Gosh!

Steve-O. Wow, was very impressed. He looked like he was taking it so seriously and honestly whatever criticism they gave him, I totally didn't see it. He should have scored higher, no one else got as big of a standing ovation out of the crowd as he did.

Gilles Marini. I don't know what Cheryl was talking about when she said he didn't have a fan base, because he can come kick it on my fan base any day of the week. Could this man have any nicer of an ass? No, he can't, that's as scrumptious as it gets. Also, his footwork was up there on a professional level.

Chuck Wicks. Hated, hated, hated the tails on his tux. So distracting. At one point he looked like he was trying to strangle Julianne. I felt bad for her, that's shit's gotta leave a bruise.

Hey look, Holly Madison replaced Jewel. Her timing was so bad. Beyond bad. She looked like she had no idea where she was, but anyone who ever watched The Girls Next Door knows that she always looks like that. She needs to come out of her shell or she's not going to last long.

Ty Murray. Jewel's husband. Looked really nervous, told the judges he got nervous, looked really awkward but in kind of an endearing way. Total stress basket! I'll be very surprised if he's not the first to go.

Shawn Johnson. Does this bitch have veneers? Her Hilary Duff teeth were like a lighthouse to my eyes. Almost made me miss that she danced really well. Not sure about Mark burying his face in her 17 year old chest bone at the end, but eh, no one else seemed to mind.

Steve Wozniak. Such nerdy awkwardness, and why was he so flamboyant on the floor? I'm glad he didn't get all sweaty like in the rehearsal footage, though the fact that they showed him on his Segway was beyond hilarious. He'll be the second to go after Ty I'm sure.

David Allen Grier. Totally forgot he was even on this show. Clunky footwork. He'll probably stick around while by default. His face bugs me.

Denise Richards. Crazy bitch! Whoever did her hair and makeup obviously hates her. Those were the grossest fake eyelashes I've ever seen. Was she chewing gum? I'm sure she wasn't but it really looked like she was chewing gum. The dirty look she gave Melissa backstage was priceless.

Melissa Rycroft. They really hyped the fact that she only had two days to rehearse, and wow she did great. I'm sure is helped that she is cute as a little baby button, but for her to score better than people who had several weeks to prepare is totes drama.



Actual scores after the jump.

CSI: WTF

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CSI: Miami. Unarguably the best show in the history of the universe. But last night... omg, wtf is going on?!? Even David "The Crimson Fog" Caruso couldn't distract from the fact that Eric and Calleigh totally hooked up. Double you tee eff? Is a kiss between these two even necessary, much less a whole relationship? I mean, it was bad enough when Eric and Natalia were an item, but no Eric and Calleigh. Their personalities don't even match.

Did I mention that P. Diddy was playing the best lawyer in Miami again? No? That's because I forgot. Something about a yacht a shooting and Eric is somehow Russian and Cuban but then he's American so it's ok. I don't know. They've screwed me all up inside.

The last line in the show was pretty awesome though, Calleigh telling Eric that her house is the safest house in Miami. "Do you know how many guns I have?"

CBS did this whole behind the scenes of the kiss video with Emily Procter and Adam Rodriguez. They should have called it "Shock and Awe".

If that wasn't enough for you, you can watch the full episode here.

Jimmy Kimmel's Clip Slip

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Calista Flockhart was the guest on Jimmy Kimmel Live! last night. As they always do on these shows, a clip is about to be shown of whatever the actor or actress is plugging and the guest is asked to set it up. Only Jimmy didn't ask Calista to set the clip up, he was interested in something a little closer to downtown. Hilarity ensued.

Jewel

ABC's Dancing With The Stars is already hurting people and the season hasn't even started yet. "Jupiter" singer and DWTS contestant Jewel hurt her left knee dancing during rehearsals for the show this week. Her doctor told her she has tendonitis which, let me tell you, hurts like a bitch. Jewel wrote on her offical blog:

I guess I really over did it on the rehearsal front! My knees have been hurting so badly that I finally broke down and talked to Ty's knee doctor yesterday. He said I have tendonitis in my knees and that I have to start a course of medicine to try and bring the swelling down. Yuck! It's mainly my left knee, and I can't believe I hurt it so badly... Ty warned me I was over doing it, and now he got a big ol' 'I told you so' in. The worst part is that I can't rehearse for the next couple days. It was just so fun to dance 8 hours a day- especially considering I only had 3 weeks to cram not only for my first dance- cha cha, but to learn the fundamentals of about 6 other dances that I will have to know. But now I'm just worried I won't even be able to dance! Hopefully these steroids will really do the trick and I can keep bad flare ups at a bay in the future.

Ty refers to Ty Murray, Jewel's husband and partner for over ten years. Ty is also a contestant this season. I hope he's giving her a very serious talking to because I WILL NOT HAVE ANYONE RUIN THIS SEASON OF DWTS FOR ME, you hear me Jewel! I was actually banking on her to go pretty far, and now the bitch gets tendonitis? Old Lady Carlisle isn't getting my votes, and Steve-O is gonna be gone after 3 episodes (my prediction) so who's left to take it to the end... that cyborg Lil' Kim? Steve Wozniak? You've got to be kidding me.

Here's hoping Jewel pours the steroids down her throat and gets better soon. Two weeks is a long time in the medicinal world.

Hungry Monster

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hungry-monster

So you've seen this hilarious Weight Watcher's commercial, right? The one with the orange hungry monster who uses a pizza box as a laptop. I honestly cannot stop laughing whenever it comes on. The little trumpet he has with that cake, get out of town! I want a pizza box skin for my laptop now.

I also really want a hungry monster doll. And, would you know it, you can actually buy one. A little Google-Fu brought me to KnittyKrissy's Etsy shop where not only does she have a fuzzy fleece monster available, but also the hungry monster on a key chain. Shut up! I wish all the commercials I love were available for purchase. Oh wait... they are? Commercials sell stuff, ok, I'm just confused now. But he's there in the picture with some M&M's, and that's all that matters.

Here's the commercial in question, in case you haven't' seen it.

And just in case the hungry monster did manage to attack you, she's got felt peanut butter and jelly sandwiches too. Shut up with the cute!

If you aren't watching "RuPaul’s Drag Race", you aren't living. It's Logo's reality show with drag queens, think of it as a cross between America's Next Top Model and the crazy colorful dreams you have when you are coming down off a good acid trip. With lip-syncing!

The challenge on last night's episode was to create a campaign for Mac's Viva Glam makeup. The proceeds of that line go to an HIV and AIDS fund. Spoiler alert: Ongina wins the challenge. And yes, that rhymes with vagina. Do you see what I'm telling you when I say you miss RuPaul's Drag Race, you miss out!

Ongina loses her shit on TV, breaking the news to a stone-face RuPaul that she has been living with HIV for 2 years, and her parents "doesn't know". All for Viva Glam!

Best quote of the whole entire clip? Nina saying "Ongina has balls..."

Set your TiVo for Logo on Mondays! That Paul Stanley Kiss star isn't going to laugh at itself.

Jonathan Roberts and Belinda Carlisle

When did Belinda Carlisle become the crazy down the street whose yard no one dares tread in? I've seen her on a few NutriSystem commercials, and she looks ok, a little like a reformed junkie, but that's what she is right? There honestly isn't a day that goes by where I'm not totally blasting "Our Lips Are Sealed". But omg, in this promo pic for the upcoming season of Dancing With the Stars she looks certifiably insane.

First of all, someone forgot to hem her dress, and bitch still wore it to a photoshoot. Second, the Grandma Dress, really? I could mention how her face and her neck are two completely different colors, but we'll just go with a very strange hairline and wayyyyy to much Botox for a combo number three.

DWTS Season 8 starts Monday March 9th.

You can see the rest of the promo pics over at ONTD. Just be sure not to hit a ball into Old Lady Carlisle's yard. I heard she likes to boil children for soup stock.

Lily Allen on Ellen

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Could Lily Allen have looked any prettier on The Ellen DeGeneres Show today? The answer is no, of course not. Lily and Ellen took to the bathroom to sing "Womanizer" from Britney's Album "Circus". The clip is the epitome of cute. Enjoy.

A Jabbawockeez Shaq Attack

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Shaquille O'Neal performed with the dance crew Jabbawockeez at the NBA All-Stars this weekend. Here's a video for you. In case you need a little help picking him out, he's the one that's 19 feet tall with the mask that's way too small for his face.

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